Feeling overwhelmed or stretched too thin? Are you constantly putting yourself last? Are you avoiding people or tasks? These aren’t flaws—they’re signals. Your boundaries may need strengthening, and that’s something you can learn and practice.
First, let’s define what boundaries are…
Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our well-being. They aren’t rules for others, they’re guidelines we create to feel safe and respected. Setting boundaries can help in all relationships: with partners, friends, family, coworkers, and even with yourself. Clear boundaries support your needs, energy, and healthy connections.
Types of boundaries
According to Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, “Set boundaries, Find peace”, there are 3 types of boundaries: porous, rigid, and healthy. I like to picture them on a continuum.
Porous boundaries are weak or easily broken. You may say YES when you really want to say NO, such as taking on extra work, lending money, or overcommitting your time. Over time, this can leave you feeling exhausted and overextended.
Healthy boundaries are respectful and balanced. You are able to say NO when needed, honor your own needs, and accept others’ limits without guilt or resentment. These boundaries support self-respect, balance, and fulfilling relationships.
Rigid boundaries are strict and protective, often developed after being hurt. They may show up as saying NO harshly, refusing certain activities, building emotional walls, or cutting people off. While they can feel protective in the short term, rigid boundaries can limit connection and prevent healthy relationships.
I would invite you to take a moment to reflect on where you stand on this continuum. If you notice it’s difficult for you to set healthy boundaries, what gets in the way?
Setting Boundaries: Common Challenges
Guilt: It’s common to feel guilty when setting boundaries. Many of us learned early on that saying NO isn’t acceptable. Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it’s normal. When guilt comes up, try asking yourself: “Am I willing to tolerate this short-term discomfort to feel better in the long term?”
Fear: Fear of how others will react can also make setting boundaries difficult. Remember that you are only responsible for communicating your boundary respectfully—the other person’s reaction is theirs to manage. Compartmentalizing can help you separate your responsibility from theirs.
Lack of Action: Setting a boundary isn’t just about words—your actions need to match your message. If someone challenges your boundary, ask: “Do my actions reflect what I just said?” If not, adjust your behaviour to stay consistent with your words.
Identifying obstacles and changing patterns takes practice. You don’t have to do it alone—reaching out to a counsellor can provide support and guidance.
Conclusion
Healthy boundaries bring clarity. They help you take care of yourself and meet your needs. Over time, they create safer, more satisfying relationships and a deeper sense of inner peace.
Check out the second part of this blog for practical tips on HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES effectively.